Nonviolent Communication: 4 Steps to Better Communication

In the the book, Nonviolent Communication by, Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD, it says that nonviolent communication is a way of communicating that allows you to give from the heart.

In communication, there are some conversations that can be really hard to have. Conversations that people avoid, conversations where it’s easier to just brush things under the rug and pretend it never happened. However, the body keeps score, the body will remember that kind of stagnation and lack of thorough communication, especially with our loved ones.

Non-violent communication gives you methods on how to communicate even easier and in episode 88 of Self Love & Sweat THE PODCAST I am talking with NLP Trainer & Speaker, Aubrie Pohl all about it.

The 4 steps of nonviolent communication

1. Observation

This must not be confused with an evaluation. An observation would be, “When you walked in, you went straight to the bedroom. What happened there?” instead of an evaluation, “You came in so rude, didn’t even say hi!”

2. Feeling

The feelings wheel is a great way to broaden our vocabulary of how we’re feeling and gives us a lot of options to use in nonviolent communication. Instead of good, bad, mad, sad, it’s so much more empowering and effective to use words like, frustrated, disappointed, disheartened instead of just “mad.” The better you understand and embrace your feelings as a way to connect with others in a nonviolent way…golden!

3. Need

These giant human needs that humans have that we all have. The need to feel love, the need to feel connection, the need to feel companionship or respect or whatever these words are of what you’re searching for in life. Stating your need will help the other individuals see your greater intention and will help them see that you are a human being that is asking for even more fulfillment in a certain area of life that you know you need. And by stating your need, you’re still not telling them that they’re doing something wrong. You’re still not telling them that they need to change all of that stuff or people will get defensive. All you’re saying is, this is where I’m at and I have a need.

4. Request

This is the part where you make a request of the person you’re communicating with in order for your need to be met. This has to be a manageable, low-hanging-fruit request that doesn’t require someone else to change their whole day or their whole life. And the thing about the request is that you get to hold space for a possibility of them saying “No” because they might not fulfill this request of yours. And that’s okay because they’ll be moving on to their own needs and feelings. So I’m not saying that by using nonviolent communication, these four steps you’ll get everything in your heart’s desire and all of the dreams come true, because some people might say “no”, and that’s okay, because you already know that’s a possibility and you’re cool with that.