Communication is the essence of our connections with others, yet it’s a skill we often take for granted. We choose to criticize and blame others instead of really taking the time to look at our own heart posture and express our feelings and needs clearly. Enter Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a transformative approach that has the potential to change your life and your relationships. Let’s explore the four fundamental parts of NVC through relatable examples, highlighting how it can empower you to connect more deeply with others.
The 4 Nonviolent Communication Steps:
1. Observation: Saying what happened without Judgment
Example: Instead of saying, “You’re always late, and you don’t care about my time,” try saying, “I’ve noticed that you arrived 20 minutes after our agreed meeting time on three occasions.”
Why it Matters: Observations are neutral and objective, devoid of criticism or blame. This shift allows for clearer understanding and less defensiveness. You can listen to a quick podcast episode I did on Observations vs. Evaluations right here.
2. Feeling: Identifying Emotions
Example: Instead of saying, “You make me so angry,” try saying, “When you canceled our plans last-minute, I felt disappointed and frustrated.”
Why it Matters: By expressing feelings, we acknowledge our emotional responses and promote empathy. It encourages open and authentic dialogue. Not sure what word describes how you feel? Try using the feelings wheel!
3. Needs: Recognizing Desires and Values
Example: Instead of saying, “You should prioritize my needs over yours,” try saying, “I value reliability and punctuality, and I need to feel respected in our commitments.”
Why it Matters: Identifying needs helps us clarify what truly matters to us, fostering understanding of our motivations and those of others.
4. Request: Making Clear, Doable Requests
Example: Instead of saying, “You need to be on time from now on,” try saying, “Could we agree to text me if you’re running late by more than 10 minutes?”
Why it Matters: Requests invite collaboration and provide a pathway to meeting needs. They make it easier for others to respond positively.
Transforming Lives and Relationships with Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent Communication is a game-changer. It shifts conversations from blame and defensiveness to understanding and connection. It’s a tool that can empower you to foster healthier relationships and navigate conflicts with grace. Personally, NVC has transformed my life. It’s allowed me to communicate my needs and feelings more clearly, leading to deeper connections with loved ones and colleagues.
NEW ONLINE COURSE: Level Up Your Language & Your Life: How to go from talker to communicator
Ready to embark on your journey of transformative communication? Join my new course, “Level Up Your Language & Your Life: How to go from talker to communicator” (Use code LUNDEN30 for 30% OFF!) Dive deeper into core values, non-verbal communication and the art of Nonviolent Communication. Empower yourself to express your needs, connect with others on a profound level, and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Don’t miss this opportunity to revolutionize your communication skills and enhance your life.